A thousand apologies for such a long period of silence. Trust me, it is not that I have nothing to write about or report but there are so many things to attend to that whenever I get to sit in front of my notebook, my mind just refuses to work. My isolation here away from the action of the big city means I am exposed only to the daily farm life. Not much of a farm now as there are no cows! He! He! That’s how my nephew defines a real farm… mesti ada lembu! BTW, my two sisters came with their families to visit yesterday and we had a good time fellowshipping. My beloved wife had to work in KL for 2 days, so no fine dinner for me, she has been cooking great meals for me lately.

 

Seriously, I can’t be writing all the time about the birds I see, my naughty dogs and planting trees or work with the hoe. Anyway, I realized that there are those who visits this blog to check out how I am doing here. Well, last week I was pretty occupied with trying to secure some IT related jobs in town, having no income these days does trouble me a bit, guess that is the reality of life ever since our forefather decided to take a bite at the forbidden fruit. We profess to trust God but if we pause to ponder at the way we live our lives, I dare say that we only turn to God in times when we perceive ourselves to be losing control of the situation, when we reach the end of the road, trusting God and walking, living in His perfect will is an appealing concept that eludes us as we have not lost the desire to play ‘God’. Most of these inclinations are shrouded in ‘spiritual’ ideas of victorious living, abundant living.. alas, how close are we to God? Our intepretation of abundant living is at most carnal and hedonistic in form. Lest I be judged for being judgemental and casting the first stone let me state categorically that I am indeed casting the first stone, that the first stone is aimed squarely at me. It is my intention the following stones be cast at all those who are reading this blog. Sadly, I have a form of godliness rather than walking as ‘little christ’ Last night, I prayed for God’s forgiveness as I struggle to trust Him for my remaining time on earth… I am halfway there and may God have mercy to keep me here a little longer so that I may make good the time I have been given. In perspective, I may be able to watch Olympics on Astro for another 8-10 times? As I prayed last night, I reflected on the days spent during my time in the youth ministry, how idealistic and noble my intention was then, wanting to change the world, bring Christ’s love to all I meet…. Sad but most of the time now, I only have contempt for those who cross my path. Love my enemies, I can’t, speak well of others goes against my nature, give freely is a yes only when it doesn’t effect inconveniences to me. Two mites out of two mites? You must be out of your mind!

 

Here may I stand accused of judging when I say to all that if you are not prepared to give what you have, please don’t bother about making faith promises, committing amounts which you do not have and passing the responsibility to God. It is amazing how leaders can go on encouraging members to go about raising funds from external sources for their building programs, mission trips when they are not prepared to dig into their very own safety nets. I am always turn off by the myriad of techniques employed to raise funds so that big, expensive, high profile projects could be staged for God’s glory. No! No! God’s glory needs none of our help or undertaking. I AM WHO I AM! When we live as Christ lived, that’s when God’s glory is projected. Buildings don’t bring glory lah! Egocentric activities brings about a inflated ego state but no glory… when we can sit with the downtrodden, set them free, when we can love those around us, when we can put aside our own prejudices and bigotry and live godly lives… people will see God’s glory in us! Jesus sat, ate and drank with the very people that we would never touch today let alone be seen with…. Sadly our concept of Christian living today is quite the opposite of what I read in the bible… me? I stand accused of all that I wrote above, I’ll go sit next to my pond this evening to look at the birds, fishes and ask God for forgiveness…